Nhlalwenhle Ncube
PEOPLE love to give love and relationship advice acting as if they are experts in that, but if you check deeply, they also got issues in their own relationships.
Truth be told, no relationship is perfect and what works for you will definitely not work for the next person.
What I have realised is that each person is the best judge for her relationship and must be very careful from who and where she gets advice from. Not all advice is meant to build you, some is intentionally destructive. The only advice you can get from a fool is foolish advice.
Anyone who recommends divorce or break up to you at every slight argument with your partner is an enemy that appears like friend.
Getting married is easy, but staying happy in a marriage is a challenge and it needs hard work, compromise and making right choices.
Seeking marital advice is a good way to improve a relationship, but you need to analyse it and not to just follow the flow because getting good advice is almost as easy as getting a bad one.
Depending on the situation, a piece of bad advice might make things even worse so choose the best advice, which is what you feel will work for you as well. Using sex as a bargaining tool is one of the most common advice for partners when a certain problem arises.
Do you need something from your partner? Did he do something that pissed you off? Although it seems like a good tactic, using sex as either a punishment, reward or a manipulation tool is an example of bad marriage advice. This tactic solves nothing and can cause further complications between the two of you.
Sex is not a reward that you dangle at your partner to get them to do your bidding. In situations where you desperately need something to work out, the best thing to do is to talk to her or to him. The worst thing that could happen is that your partner would likely be tempted to look for it elsewhere.
An even damaging result is that both of you would be distant to each other both emotionally and sexually. Do not always rush to involve other people in your marriage problems. Misery loves company and it’s very real in a lot of real-life cases. It might be very tempting to share your misery with others, especially problems in marriage. After all, if you want to get decent advice, you would need to tell every detail to the one who’s willing to listen.
Making marriage problems public is a piece of bad marriage advice. This is because you usually focus on the wrongs that the other person did to you and has a tendency to lash out or vent frustration to other people.
Once you told every inch of details to someone, his or her impression of your partner will likely stay the same.
The things that you say about your partner will stay as the first impression to other people. As a result, even after you and your partner settle your differences and move on, the opinion of other people might stay the same. To make matters worse, what if the person you trusted decided to spread your story to others? It’s likely that your partner will receive a bad reputation. Worse if it’s your family members, some will even hate and never respect him. It will hurt you as well because when things are right you will not be impressed with the way they treat your better half. Before rushing out, try to settle disagreements with your partner privately.
If you really feel the need to share with other people to settle your problems, talking to a trusted person is recommended. You will also be told to be involved in everything your partner does. While this might seem like a piece of a good idea, this is an example of bad marriage advice.
As husband and wife, it is important to know things about your partner’s activities. It is acceptable to ask your partner about today’s plans.
However, it is not necessary to ask about each and every detail of the day’s activities. You don’t want to make your partner feel like a soldier who needs to report everything to the higher-ups. Give your partner some breathing room to be themselves and carry out activities on their own. In return, you can also do things that you want to do, enjoy your special time and doing what makes you feel good.
The fact that you and your partner have activities you carry out separately does not mean you are going about your marriage wrongly.
Growing individually will largely benefit your marriage. Never use silent treatment technique in your relationship.
Most people want the concept of a “perfect marriage”. The truth is that concept is likely impossible. There will always be an issue in each marriage, however big and small the issue might be. On some cases, such issues will cause the marriage to break. However, if addressed properly, these issues can strengthen a marriage.
According to APA, one of the things that keeps a relationship healthy is open communication. Communication cannot flourish if each party uses the silent treatment. Using the silent treatment is not only emotionally manipulative, it is also emotionally and mentally draining.
While you might benefit from this, your partner might grow resentful towards you. Silent treatment kills a relationship by giving the feeling of less satisfaction and disconnection with each other. To talk about issues with your partner does not always mean to confront them. Instead, think of it as a way to solve the problem and its root effectively.
Marriage is easy if you marry the right person. Marriage is never easy, even if you feel like you married the right person. The fact that you are two different individuals means there will always be a clash of interest and differences.
Expect fights over major topics and even on petty things. It’s also unfair to assume that your partner should know every little thing about you because of your change throughout the years. However, this does not mean that marriage cannot work out. Instead, embracing your differences and having great respect for each other are some of the keys for a successful marriage.
Even if you marry the right person, life will still throw lemons in your direction. Marriage, just like every other relationship, takes constant work, effort, forgiveness and time. Some will tell you never to disagree with your partner and always ensure you are on the same page. As absurd as this might seem, arguments are important in a relationship.
With arguments, you can learn more about each, which helps in overcoming hurdles in the marriage. If you always agree to your partner, you will likely lose your individuality. This can cause less satisfaction for your married life.
Instead of improving the marriage, this mindset can destroy it in the long run.A good marriage is not a marriage without disagreements.
Instead, is one where both couples manage to remain together after experiencing a lot of arguments throughout the years.
Whenever conflict arises, look for ways to come to a compromise and settle the conflict. Sometimes, disagreeing with your partner and pointing out a flaw in an idea is necessary to help your partner grow individually.
The passion and romance in a good marriage will always be blazing hot. Every married couple wants the passion and romance of their marriage to stay lit forever. When it starts to fade, you will start to believe that you got into a wrong marriage. This is the case for a lot of people.
Unfortunately, most of these cases turn into divorce, or in the worst case scenario, indifference. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Over time, the passion and romance will dwindle compared to how it was when you first started your relationship. Never get carried away with those lies of saying the romance will stay blazing hot. One day it will dwindle and it needs creativity for it to be lit again.
To be happy in your marriage, know which advice to take and always be confident giving it your best. Love, care, communicate and appreciate each other to build your home.
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