Embrace your one-minute man

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

IT is every woman’s dream to have a satisfactory sex life. But if your partner has a problem of premature ejaculation also know as PE, I challenge you to help him and tackle it together.

PE is when ejaculation happens sooner than a man or his partner would like during sex. It can be frustrating because it makes sex less enjoyable and impacts relationships negatively.

Although the exact cause of premature ejaculation is not known, some of the issues that can be involved in premature ejaculation include temporary depression, stress, unrealistic expectations about sexual performance, history of sexual repression, overall lack of confidence and relationship problems. Managing emotional problems often helps.

The main symptom of PE is the inability to delay ejaculation for more than one minute after penetration. PE can be classified as lifelong or primary ejaculation and acquired or secondary ejaculation.

Lifelong premature ejaculation occurs all or nearly all of the time beginning with a man’s first sexual encounters while acquired premature ejaculation develops after a man has had previous sexual experiences without ejaculatory problems.

It can happen at any age. Aging is not a direct cause of this condition, though aging does cause changes in erections and ejaculation. With premature ejaculation, you may feel you lose some of the closeness shared with a sexual partner. You might feel angry, ashamed and upset and turn away from your partner.

Premature ejaculation doesn’t only affect you; it also affects your partner. Your partner may be upset with the change in sexual intimacy. This condition can cause partners to feel less connected, hurt or distant.

Psychological therapy, behavioural therapy, and drugs are the main treatments for premature ejaculation. More than one type of treatment may be used at the same time.

Therapy is a way to address the negative feelings and emotions that lead to problems with sexual relationships. Psychological therapy can be used as the only treatment, or it may be used along with medical or behavioural therapy.

The goal of therapy is to learn the source of problems and find solutions that may end premature ejaculation. It can also help couples learn to grow closer.

Psychological therapy can help you become less nervous about sexual performance. It can also give you greater sexual confidence and understanding to improve your partner’s satisfaction.

Behavioural therapy uses exercises to help build tolerance to delay ejaculation. The goal is to help you train your body away from premature ejaculation. Examples include the squeeze method and the stop-start method.

With this method, your partner stimulates your manhood until you are close to ejaculation. When you are close, your partner firmly squeezes it so your erection partly goes away.

The goal is for you to become aware of the sensations leading to climax. Then you can better control and delay climax on your own.

Also keep on switching positions when getting intimate, especially when he tries to stop. The best-recommended method by most experts is the girl-on-top; missionary style makes men stay in bed longer. You can also try something new and ordinary out of your intimate life.

New positions will distract him because his body is not anticipating. When he is about to reach climax, make him stop. Most experts say that everyone has an “orgasmic point of no return” but edging will train his body to delay and enable him to spend more time at the edge.

The best way to know if a man is about to reach his climax is when he increases his pace. He tells you when he is ready to orgasm and then you stop. (Or you can sense it and stop.) This allows your husband to practice getting to the edge of orgasm and then holding it back so that he doesn’t finish. He can do this himself too (but not as helpful because you, the super-exciting stimulus, aren’t there), and you can eventually build up to doing it with sex.

This would look like: you have a few seconds of sex and he pulls out, over and over, allowing himself to rest for a few seconds and calm down, and start again. Eventually he can stop and rest while still inside you. And even later, he may be able to have control during intercourse in general. It’s both a mind and a pelvic floor issue.

The other delaying tactic is to make him ejaculate before getting intimate.

Tried and tested, it has been proven that if a man ejaculates an hour or two before getting intimate, it will help him stay longer in bed before he reaches climax.

You can build up arousal again with slow and intimate foreplay with your partner, so the man’s excitement is initially satisfied and he can better pace himself and sync up with his partner’s rhythm. Use the squeezing technique which involves stopping a man from ejaculating by squeezing the manhood muscles to cut off the flow of semen.

Squeezing it at the base of its head also helps reduce sensation, hence slows down the process of ejaculation.

Distraction is another delaying tactic. When you feel like he is about to reach climax, distract him. This may involve withdrawing his manhood during intimacy to prevent ejaculation. A man can also choose to distract himself by taking his mind off everything when he is about to ejaculate.

Increase the times you become intimate and have it more regularly.

Counterintuitive, since you aren’t enjoying it much now, but if your husband is too excited each time, that is exacerbating this problem.

Sex is way more exciting than masturbating, so you want him to get less excited by the idea of sex (have it more instead of encouraging him to masturbate). Also, he may be very nervous about sex because he always thinks that if he doesn’t please you, you won’t want sex at all. So, if he sees that you initiate sex more, he will also relax more.

And this is good, because being anxious also makes sexual performance, including premature ejaculation, worse.

Make sure that you tell him you love him, be complimentary and affectionate. Your husband probably feels like a huge loser for his performance issues and feeling depressed, anxious and sad is also going to make his performance worse.

Try to get as excited as you can during foreplay, so that you are on the verge of orgasm when intercourse begins.

Even if you don’t like oral sex, maybe you like manual stimulation or caressing, or kissing. If you are almost ready to orgasm when you start intercourse, then hopefully you will be able to finish within the time he can last.

Condoms might decrease penis sensitivity, which can help delay ejaculation.

These condoms contain numbing agents such as benzocaine or lidocaine or are made of thicker latex to delay ejaculation. Wearing a condom can also help dull sensation.

You chose to be with that man, so no reason to cheat and jump from one relationship to another complaining that you always bump into a one-minute man.

Deal with the problem and be creative to enjoy your sex life. Even the so-called sex machine can wake up with a PE problem!

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